"And I fired two warning shots...into his head." "Some guys just can't hold their arscenic." "He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times."

Well, I greatly enjoyed that crazy rant last time...but I feel better now. After about a week of solid depression and anger, I think I've finally gotten over it. All it took was some Cell Block Tango and English class. In English I realized that Brian is in fact an egocentric jerk with the maturity of a fifth grader who doesn't take into consideration how his actions will affect other people. Who could love a guy like that? I admit that I regret that it ended. I wish it could have lasted, and I'm sad that it didn't. I enjoyed my blind bliss more than anything else in the world. But at the same time, I'm glad that I can see him for what he really is now. Yes, I still find him incredibly attractive. Yes, I still enjoy listening to him playing piano. Yes, I wish we could still talk for hours on end about nothing in particular. But I can finally see that this is not a guy who I want to be in a relationship with. I think I can finally talk to him now without wanting to dismember him, so maybe we can start over as friends. And who knows, maybe some day he'll gain a few brain cells and some tact and we can try this again.
Here's part of a poem I've written:
"What I thought was a lighthouse warm and bright had been blinding me with its cruel, harsh light. The raindrop eyes which so hypnotized me are now as cold as an arctic sea."
Two other poems I wrote several months ago likened him to "a lighthouse in the distance, a beacon through the night, a shelter to hold onto, and fire warm and bright" and his eyes to "warm droplets of rain on a glass windowpane". I like this one, because it incorporates specifics from those blissful, naive poems. So. That there was your daily insight into my mind...
Anyways. Enough about my broken social life...
Musical is grueling this time of year. Wonderful, but oh God, is it grueling. The sheer amount of work we put into it drains my very soul. I am a zombie. A happy dancing zombie in blue plaid daisies, but a zombie nonetheless. Sigh, I do love that certain spastic, panicky magic that musical season has... and opening night is in less than 2 weeks!!! I can't wait.
Speaking of theater, the children's play that I'm directing is opening tomorrow. I'm very excited. Also very stressed. I know how critical elementary students can be, and I can't help but worry that we'll look stupid, or they won't understand it, or something will go horribly wrong...becasue something always does go horrible wrong. So I'm preparing myself for a torrent of torment tomorrow.... O.O But all that same, I'm very excited. Deeep breaths. Alrighty, I should get to bed. I was up until like 4 in the morning at Caitlyn's house, watching movies and Facebooking...so I'll see all ya little twerps later! Auf weidersehen, mein leiblings.